This has been much requested and my most often asked question:
What inspired your blog?
Last year, after going on an eight month dating hiatus and rejecting a seemingly good guy for months I decided to finally ring out the end of the year with him. He was new to the city, taking over his recently deceased father’s dental practice. But the “nice guy” I thought I had, was just a dentist meathead who liked to insult old people & eavesdrop in random conversations!
I should’ve known from the first time he asked me out that he wasn’t really thoughtful and probably a little more selfish than I actually wanted to believe.
He asked me out late notice but it’s not like I had multiple offers or even a life at the time. So I agreed, and because he had been told previously about my lack of transportation before even asking me out and seemed fine with the idea of having to drive at the time I assumed he would pick me up. Just like others before him had done and no one ever seemed to have an issue with it, most even preferred it as it gave them brownie points for being gentlemanly.
He still hadn’t confirmed the day of until close to our meet time but didn’t ask for my address. So I reminded him that I needed to be picked up to which he replied that the place he picked was on a bus line and I could take public transportation.
(Insert “bruhhhhhh?!” face.)
Now nothing is wrong with taking the bus anywhere. It’s just that: 1.) He agreed with being the one to drive should we ever go out and never said no. 2.) He picked a place that would require a higher-end dress code and in my neighborhood, dressing in a dress and heels while waiting at the corner bus-stop would draw some very unwanted attention and maybe even the police stopping to see if I’m some kind of prostitute. 3.) Also, I live on the outer-side of my city so public transportation comes about once an hour and takes at least a minimum of an hour to get to your destination in the same are. Our meet up wasn’t in my area and would take almost two hours just on the bus alone. So there was no way I would even make it on time at his late confirmation check-in.
So I explained all that to which he replied he would think of another date and time that he could pick me up.
Fast forward two weeks later when he was able to clear his evening schedule.
He joked that he would show up early to which I replied to go ahead but he’d still have to weight.
Welllllll, he wasn’t joking and did show up early. So I told him he could either wait inside or in his truck but it would be another thirty minutes since he arrived thirty minutes early. He couldn’t tell what else needed to be done and basically said that we could leave now and I go with or he would leave and that would be the end of that.
Why I left with him when he gave me that ultimatum, I don’t know why. Probably, because he drove across town to pick me up and partly, because I’m an idiot who tries to give people the benefit of the doubt.
So, I left with him and off we went to this little french fancy, smancy restaurant that I couldn’t even pronounce let alone understand the menu.
When we got there, he didn’t bother opening the car door for me which I brushed off immediately. I’m quite capable of doing that. He had to park in an alley way because the restaurant parking lot was so crowded. He led the way, literally and I trailed behind him wobbling in my heels on the uneven gravel of the alley. It was annoying that he speedily walked ahead of me and I had to run/walk/wobble to try and catch but I was too hungry to care. Again, I noticed he didn’t walk beside me and I was also walking alongside the busy street but he didn’t seem fazed. It was more of an eye roll for myself but not a deal breaker of anything to be upset about. And actually and elderly man moved me to the side so he could walk along the street saying, “Ladies to the side.” The dentist turned around and looked but either hadn’t noticed and/or heard or just didn’t care to let some other guy display a chivalrous act.
Somehow I ended up at the restaurant’s front door before the dentist and opened it to walk inside and as I was about to enter, the dentist hurriedly walked through the door I was opening for myself and cut me off! Sighing from frustration, I walked behind him as we made our way to the host stand. The restaurant was extremely crowded and noisy and I was literally bumping elbows with waitstaff and other patrons.
“Do you have reservations?”
(A look of puzzlement on my behalf, because the dentist had indeed told me he made reservations for an 8 pm dinner.)
“It will be about an hour wait.”
I think at this point my right eye started to twitch.
“Okay, well you can wait at the bar until your table is ready.”
Walk to bar.
No seats available.
So there I am, standing for an hour in 6 inch heels and a dress I can barely breathe in. (Had I known I would be standing for most of our date, I would’ve worn something more comfortable.)
The bar was tiny and the bar top indented a bit so the dentist stood there out of harm’s way of the crowded restaurant, leaving me to be constantly bumped and pushed by others. I even had the pleasure of someone’s drink being spilled on me. He didn’t bother making an effort to make any kind of small talk with me. After a few attempts on my part, I gave up and we stood in silence for the better part of our wait. After an hour, our table was ready and I excitedly followed the waiter.
The waiter showed us the table for two and pulled out a chair and motioned for me to sit, BUT THE DENTIST LEAPT FROM BEHIND ME AT THE CHAIR TO SIT DOWN!!!
I stared. The waiter stared.
So the waiter tried to pull the chair out that was across the dentist. Seeing this, the dentist didn’t get up to pull the chair out for me. Instead, he leaned over the table sitting down still and flicked the chair out as a way to try and push it out but instead, it tipped over and the chair fell backwards on the floor.
By this time the people were staring.
I just wanted to leave but again, because I’m an idiot I picked up the chair and sat in it.
I looked over the menu I couldn’t understand and asked the dentist what each item was as I didn’t know french, wasn’t familiar with any of the items and had never been here. He explained each item painfully slowly and loudly as if he was speaking to someone who had some sort of disability which hindered their ability to understand.
The waiter returned and I let him order first. (I always let the guys order first so I can choose an entree cheaper than theirs just because I never want to come across as taking advantage, especially when the guys usually end up footing the bill.)
He order a $6 salad.
Which was the cheapest item on the menu. I would’ve followed suit except I have vegetables and have never eaten a salad in my life.
But then he asked the waiter if he could have a side of raw meat.
R A W M E A T!!!
It brought the total to about $15 so I ordered a very tiny piece of steak and fries for about $2 less.
He said I should’ve gotten the steak raw.
Are you kidding me?
Apparently, it’s healthier or has some sort of benefit?! Idk.
I said I was fine and again we waited in silence.
For another hour.
The dentist started to become fussy and complain. I got the bright idea of, “Why don’t we walk to (insert popular fast food restaurant) which is a few blocks away?”
Wow, you thought I had killed a baby or something with the way he went off about my suggestion. I thought I was being cool and cute showing that although I was dolled up in a form fitting dress and 6 inch heels being dined at a nice-ish restaurant, that I wasn’t that high-maintenance to walk in heels to get a $1 burger.
He went on to say that this is what’s wrong with America, little kids are walking around overweight because people like me think it’s ok to eat that kind of food blah blah blah.
No wonder I’m the size that I am. I should’ve ordered a salad.
I should’ve thrown my drink in his face and walked out.
Instead, I sat there looking around trying to ignore him. Because why?! (I’m an idiot.)
Our food was brought out and he tried making chit chat. Believe it or not, we got along seemingly well for about five minutes, we both laughing at each other’s jokes before it all went to hell again.
I asked how his day was and he started talking about how he went to look at dentist chairs for patients to sit in to possibly buy. But he couldn’t buy them, could I guess why?
Because they were too small and average sized Americans are at least double the size of a standard dentist chair.
O M G!
The table next to us sat a plus sized couple who could clearly hear his every word and would just stare. It was so embarrassing and uncomfortable how he openly fat shamed everyone and anyone.
We finished dinner and I couldn’t have been more happier for a date to end than this.
BUT, he decided he wanted dessert so I suggested ice cream since I actually really wanted a sherbet cone and knew of a place nearby.
Mmm he didn’t want ice cream so we weren’t going to get any.
The dentist asked the waiter for chocolate cake but they didn’t have that so he settled for something that looked like chocolate cake but was clearly not as the waiter made sure to clearly explain that although, it resembles cake it isn’t.
The dessert comes out and he didn’t offer a piece to me so I just watch him eat bites of this chocolate tarte (?). And after a couple of bites, he spits it all out to loudly complain that he asked for cake and this isn’t cake.
I was here when the waiter said that the restaurant didn’t serve chocolate cake and the tart wasn’t cake nor would taste like it.
Someone just shoot me, please.
The dentist kept loudly complaining even though I tried explaining. The waiter took off the dessert from the bill and the dentist happily paid the bill.
He asked me if I wanted to do anything else after dinner and I just asked if he could take me home since I was really tired (of his a-holeness). He surprisingly walked me to my door and hugged me asking for a second date.
The next day, I found coupons for a salad to the same restaurant that I suggested we we eat at and sent a picture sarcastically saying, “Second dates is on me, you can eat your salad and I can get fat off of this burger.”
[A year later, the dentist ran into me and didn’t recognized me as I’ve lost a significant amount of weight and am pretty thin/fit now. He ended up asking me out again without knowing who I was and so I told re-told the story of our very first date and ended up giving him my URL address for this very blog that was inspired by him! I never heard back from the dentist.]
That was my breaking point and made me take a definite break from dating completely, or at least for the upcoming year of 2015.
So instead of dating, I decided to focus on myself and begin a journey of self-love. Originally, the blog was going to be letters to myself as I grew as a person and could read them in the future looking back. But one night, after that date as I prayed to God to watch over my loved ones and my future husband (yes, I pray to God over my future husband and any kids we may have) I suddenly got the idea to write letters to my husband instead of myself because he won’t know who I was before he met me.
What I go through before I meet him, will shape me into the person he falls in love with and I think it’s important for him to know what I’ve been through and how I’ve changed. When you love someone, you love all of them. You love everything about them, not just the good things but the bad things as well. The things you find lovable and the things that you don’t. You fall in love with their insecurities, disappointments, and the parts that their afraid to show someone. You will see the good in them even when they don’t, you will inspire them to be a better person. You will be the person they count on to never leave because you’re in it for the long run.
And I want my husband to know everything about me and love me in spite of it all.
So I write to him.