“You’ve been treated badly for so long that when someone tries to give you the love you deserve, you don’t know what the hell to do.”
Dear Future Husband,
This is probably one of the saddest things to admit to, but it’s true. This is something I continuously struggle with when dating – I don’t know that I actually deserve a good guy and I end up pushing him away.
I tell myself that in the end he will leave and hurt me, so I stop myself from embarking into a relationship. The very few times I’ve met a nice guy, I will second guess everything he says or does. It’s hard to believe and trust that I actually deserve it. I become insecure and retreat when I feel vulnerable. I’ve been badly let down in the past and experienced an acrimonious separation. Alternatively, I’ve been subjected to physical/emotional abuse as well as witnessing this happening to my own mother.
So the only attention I’ve received from a man was to be treated badly. Though this isn’t what I wanted, sadly it’s the only thing I seem to know. And although this is what I’m used to in relationships, I’m doing my best to learn from my mistakes and have been on journey of self-love. In doing so, I’ve recognized this is a problem that needs to break this destructive behavior to move forward into healthy relationships.
I don’t expect anyone to love me when I’m still learning to love myself. Which is part of the reason as to why I don’t really date. But what I guess what I want you to know and understand is if we do happen to meet, that I’m a work in progress and I just need someone willing to put in the effort.
I need you to be loyal. I want to trust you as much as you want to trust me. I want to trust that you will always come back to me. I want to trust with my heart. I want to trust you with everything I have, and I want to trust that you will never hurt me.
I need you to be patient. Sometimes I get upset and I need you to have patience with me. I will forgive whatever and whoever, but I need you to be there for me and wait for me to be OK again. You also need to be patient when trying to get to know me; I will only tell you pieces and parts at a time, you have to be patient with me until I know you can handle all of me.
When loving me, you need to hold on tight. When things get complicated I need to know that I have you to turn to. When life starts pulling us different directions I need to know that you will always come back. I need to know that you are with me for the long run, and you won’t give up on me whenever life makes you question everything. I need to know you will hold on to us.
It’s not hard loving me, but it takes work. You need patience, trust and a whole lot of love. But I can promise this will be the purest love you will ever experience. My heart is in this for the long run, just as you put in the effort so will I.
Your Future Wife