Merry Christmas!

Dear Future Husband,

I just wanted wanted to take some time out of today to wish you a very Merry Christmas wherever you are. Hopefully, you’ve had a great day surrounded by loved ones.

It’s crazy to think that someday we will be celebrating Christmas with each other and our families. I can’t wait until those days come and celebrate the love we will have for eachother.

I want nothing but happiness and love for you.

Love,

Your Future Wife

 

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Life

Well, because it happens.

Lately, well… I wouldn’t say I’ve been in a funk but it’s just been…

A few concerned people in my life have been worried about my well-being and honestly, who can blame them to not be?! But as much as I go into hiding and recluse, I am fine.

I’ve avoided people, ignored calls, and plenty of read but unanswered texts.  Of course I cancel plans or don’t even bother putting in any effort into doing anything.  I’m just keeping to myself.

In my previous post I wrote about my break-up and mentioned the last few months when I found out about the infidelity, other parts of my life were falling apart.

I ended up losing my job and dropping my classes.

Some parts of my life have gotten better. Other part’s… not so much.  I’ve taken on much more than I can currently handle, and it’s just been a whirlwind. I’m struggling to not drown right now and fighting for air.

My anxiety has come back with a vengeance: loss of appetite, my hair is falling out, I’ve lost an additional ten pounds due to stress and my already frail frame is looking a bit gaunt. Also, I wake up in the wee hours on the verge of panic attacks.

BUT, there’s hope, and it’s not at all as bad as it seemed before. But I still am trying to figure things out and have no idea where I’ll end up.  I’m not happy but I’m also not unhappy. I’m ok. I’m fine.

I’m just trying to survive. And get myself back into being healthy and stability. It will definitely will take some time but I’ll get there.

I’m struggling right now but I’m ok.